Archive for toriare



Oftentimes we humans put severe limitations on our ability to be happy and then spend our lives commiserating about whose fault it is when we are not.

I think for the most part, we don’t know what we want or expect. We hope that something or rather someone will appear with a road-sign and a flashlight, illuminating the path to happiness.

Fact is the other hapless souls including the one we are looking at to rescue us from our mundane unhappy existence, is doing the same. So like the blind leading the blind, we end up making circles round each other like a dog chasing its tail, while we keep “trying” in our heads, to make that significant other – husband/wife or boyfriend/girlfriend happy, thinking that it will in turn, make them feel “indebted” to make us happy. Whereas all this time, all we had to do was to find “happy” on our own – find our own fun, fulfillment, space, livelihood and career. Could it be that easy?

It could and it is! We put in little effort into living life the way we want …always waiting for the other, the wife, the husband, the boss, the neighbor, the teenage daughter or son to make us happy and when we are not, we want someone to fix – or at least take the blame for it  - and yet we call it MY LIFE!

I think men and women should get together just for sex. That is one thing you can’t do on your own. Well, technically you could but it might not be half as much fun. I digress.

The point is when we are alone, we do things that please us, because no one is watching….we throw caution to the winds. When in company, we are careful to say only those things that we will not be judged on ….at least, not by someone that matters to us.

Alone, we sing, sometimes loudly while chopping vegetables for dinner, even louder in the shower. Many a time we catch our self doing dance steps going from one room to another around the house….because no one is watching….and no one is judging. We say things…sometimes not so polite things…uh-oh! We use bad words because no one will rebuke us immediately and witheringly. We use swearwords while driving (or sitting most of the time), on the 405 Freeway trying to get home in rush hour traffic (although a kid in the car will very quickly put the brakes on swearing). Single people….!

Single folks for the most part please themselves, live for themselves. Does that mean single people are self-absorbed and selfish? Perhaps. They on the other hand, do not expect happiness to be spoon fed to them in giant mouthfuls, at the end of every evening and the beginning of every day. They look inside for the pleasures of life…. find their smiles from within.

The moment any man re-enters our lives, why does all that have to change? Why must we start feeling “lonely” when we are alone and “neglected” when he is off doing his own thing – whether it’s a “work thing” or a “buddies thing”? Sometimes we are so busy seeking and demanding an equal-opportunity marriage, eager to depend on him/her to have us feeling “important”, we stop doing our own thing, living our own lives. We stop singing for no reason, stop dancing. Perhaps even forget to walk tall, or talk intelligently. We stop being an interesting creature…as when we were single….!

The fact that no sooner than we gals become a couple, we stop filing gas in our cars, expect someone else to do it – especially if it’s raining. We stop fixing that squeaky door, killing that spider, trying to open that darn lid on the pickle jar. In come all those honey do lists and family obligations that we were perfectly capable of and happy to handle on our own in our single days. Why we expect the men to pick up the kids, do the dishes, take over filing those pesky taxes, balancing that checkbook, run ALL those annoying but unavoidable errands with a smile on his face as a sign of his love and commitment – is food for thought. But then again, isn’t that what having a man around the house means?

What about the man? Do his expectations grow when he takes a mate? Or just his duties towards the woman? Why he becomes incapable all of a sudden of  cleaning the house, doing the laundry, cooking Sunday dinner, ironing his own shirts and visiting Mom for Thanksgiving, relegating these to his better half, eager to bring out her “nurturer” role in their married life, is indeed a wonder.

How much then does each adapt and retain? Expect to receive and provide? Is that the reason we enter and re-enter relationships? Is a relationship a trap then to see if we shall each return to our worst selves? Or is the alternative – to draw up more rules in a world already choking with that kind of stuff ruling every public space every day of our lives? Should it enter our homes too?

Couple’s rules. Relationship rules. What we should and shouldn’t. Must and mustn’t. Why can’t it be perfectly “natural” for each of us to stay exactly who we are, grow complacent, fat, indolent and happy? It’s just a matter of getting used to……!

Wish it were.


Stone-Age Love

So then was it better in the stone age when all the man had to do was drag a woman into his cave and make wild passionate love….. and they were married.

All the woman needed to tell her that he loved her, was that he touched (or dragged) her in a particular way……it was love. What else could it be?  People that did not like each other, did not touch or drag….and they certainly did not marry each other.  Had nothing to do with each other.

Before thinking minds figured out all the shit about love and lust …and creative ways of bypassing one for the other, keeping up the appearance of one with the other…. buying the cow for the milk….so on and so forth…like evil twins, Love and Lust were born in the same place, but thereafter separately bred and no one was the wiser.

Love and love-making were one and the same. Was life then better for men or for women, or both. Or was it not necessarily better…just simpler.

Is simple then, better or worse?…some of the time?…or always ?….if so, when?

Some days, if the woman decided she was going to be the one to drag, carry, transport, haul her man (maybe she had a little help with the heavy lifting – who knows??) over to the conjugal lair, would that work?  Would it still be as simple…? No?



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If we still ask the question whether we should use environmentally safe methods or not – be it manufacturing cars, plastic water bottles or extracting oil or minerals from the Earth – we are in trouble….!

The choice is really simple. Make it green OR make money.  Manufacturers still choose against green because of the costs involved.  Their accountability is to their bottom line.  Period.  Not to the fact that their profitability comes at a greater cost to the planet.

The idea of organic or bust – is not just a “trendy” thing.

The favored option today is to cut a chunk of operating costs and produce a cheaper product/service in the process.  When it comes to production, everything we do and how we do it – the choice should be between whether to do it organically or not do it at all.  Be it mining, packaging, polished foods and the bane of every environmentalist – plastic bags, plastic bottles that are still being produced…thanks to powerful Industry lobbies .

If our actors like Mark Ruffalo, Matt Damon and George Clooney – whose job is not to monitor these things – can explain clearly, effectively and speak out about Fracking and the Darfur problem, Somali refugees etc.  etc., why do our lawmakers stumble and fall trying to explain them while we spend millions in taxpayers money on government funded “studies” and “research” on what to do.

How are these folks, actors/celebrity asking questions, gathering facts?  Meanwhile what are our elected representatives doing?  Are they (a)seeking answers, (b)pondering the problems or (c)looking for solutions -  in other words, their job?  If so, wouldn’t we at least have found a cure for cancer by now?

What is going on with this role reversal?

The impact of what goes on in one part of the world sooner or later reaches others. So why are we not asking the so-called “political” questions?  Our apathy and preferred ignorance does not bother us.  Nope.  Shame on us if we are not up to speed on last night’s “Family Guy” episode, though.  Go figure….!

Hello all!

Computer Mouse

Here’s all or some…of my salvaged blog posts published earlier!

Kids on the Telly

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Watching Indian TV. They say children are raised better in this country than the “western world” with its fractured family values. Children here are nurtured in the lap of the family – almost always watched by a caring grown-up one of the family elders, grandparents ……

Not so much in reality. Turn on the news on TV and you are greeted with the familiar spectacle of grinning children crowding around TV cameras when a reporter files his/her report from the streets – whether it be the scene of a train accident, a political uprising, a celebrity sighting or a home invasion.

They are smiling – irrespective of the seriousness or levity of the reportage – They are have big grins on their faces to celebrate their ten seconds of glory in front of television cameras as their vastly inappropriate smiling visage is beamed into hundreds of homes across this nation. Why are they smiling? Where are the parents?

I do understand that in this vast land of severe survival issues, priorities are set about what is REALLY important and what is not, in the life of it’s citizens, but my question is still, who will teach these young people the value of propriety and sensitivity? Of all the grown-up they are surrounded by, maybe someone at home or in school, should sit down with these children and discuss something like sensitivity….and then wait to see if, crime, poverty, corruption, killings, rape, and the rest of the issues that detract from this developing nation’s soaring aspirations – ills reportedly bred among the countries poorest – do not then automatically disappear?

A random thought, at best.